Rewind. January 4, 2012

“Metamorphosis” by Margie Chapman

I didn’t really write much in December … except to point out the obvious, which was that I wasn’t writing, which really isn’t writing at all, is it?

There were reasons for my quiet.  Good reasons, I think, now that I have the benefit of hindsight.  Looking back on the month, I needed to stay silent.  There were shifts occurring—in perspective, in relationship, in attitude.  There were decisions to make.  Certain doors were closing permanently, just as others were opening.  Things were changing.

Where I find I usually need to write in order to sort things out and process my thoughts and emotions, last month I felt it keenly necessary to keep it all in instead of let it all out.  I needed to turn inward, to sit still, to search.   And then I needed to take some steps that were pretty damn scary, just because it was finally time to do so.

I’m not sure I can really explain it except to say that December, in addition to being the final month of the year, felt like my final step in a very long, very arduous, very painful process.  And now I feel like I can breathe again.  I can’t recall the last time I was this excited about a new year—I’m more than ready to greet 2012 and see what it has in store for me.  But before I can go forward I need to rewind and fill in some gaps here.  There’s some catching up to do.