So, event the second in December …
(Why, yes, I know it is now February and yes, I know it’s been almost an entire month since I started this story and yes, I am going to just pop up this post as though I’ve been right here writing all along, ‘kay? Thanks.)
I finally agreed to meet with The Ex to discuss … a long list of things, as it turned out. We each emailed our desired topics ahead of time so there would be no blind-siding. We met at Starbucks (the same Starbucks of our last extremely awkward meeting … boy, if those walls could talk!). The discussion ranged from the light (winter sports/activities/lessons for the kids) to the weighty (disapproved discipline strategies being used in each other’s homes, potential alterations to the custody schedule, concerns about the effect the new baby was going to have on all familial relationships, certain adults present in the kids’ lives that raised some red flags of concern, etc.). It was a meeting fraught with potential for utter disaster.
But it went really, really well.
We were calm and rational. We discussed. We did not argue. There were no cheap shots, no accusations or threats. We were very arm’s length and as unemotional as we could be, given the very emotional focus of discussing important aspects of our three children’s lives. We compromised when we could and discussed politely when we couldn’t. We agreed to table certain decisions and revisit them a bit farther down the road. It felt like a business meeting, as I’ve come to think is the best-case-scenario in this business of co-parenting, and it felt like a very successful one. We both left the meeting relaxed. We both expressed satisfaction that the meeting had been productive and beneficial. We both seemed … relieved.
I couldn’t have done that two years ago (maybe not even a year ago). The wounds would have been too fresh. I would have been too raw. We would have been too angry. There still would have been too much of “us” alive, if nowhere but in my memory.
Time does its thing, though. We’ve increased the distance between “then” and “now” and arrived at this place of … detente? Maybe. Hopefully.
There’s one more piece of the December puzzle left. I promise I’ll try to place it soon.
