Now is Good.

Just because life hands you lemons doesn't mean you have to suck.

Anniversary, Schmanniversary. May 1, 2012

Filed under: Change,divorce — nowisgoodblog @ 8:43 am
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Today is May 1st.  May Day.  My former wedding anniversary.

The first May 1st that rolled around after my divorce was tough.  I dreaded it, so I made sure to do something completely different on that day.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, created some new memories, and ran the Warrior Dash:

Warrior me.

The second May 1st that rolled around found me in Memphis for the Beale Street Music Festival.  I never quite got around to writing about that weekend, but it was a girls’ trip with my friend Mindy and my sister Caroline.  It was rainy and muddy and it was tremendously fun.

Silly friends are best.

We saw a ton of music, including Jerry Lee Lewis (who hilariously stopped playing in the middle of his set to be a crotchedy old man and yell at the audience for knocking around a beach ball during his performance), John Mellencamp, and I-swear-I’ve-never-been-the-same-again-after-seeing-them-perform-live Mumford & Sons:

Hiya, Marcus!

We ate barbecue and drank beer and got soaked in the rain and kinda froze our butts off and danced and laughed (and laughed and laughed and laughed).

The original plan for this May 1st was to go to New Orleans—see some music, get a little crazy, get out there and do something—but it didn’t work out that way.  This year, May 1st is a Tuesday, and Tuesdays find me fully immersed in the Mom part of my life.  I had the kids last weekend and although I’ll be kidless this coming weekend I’ll be staying in town to see a very dear friend get married to a very dear lady (second marriages for them both—and without a doubt, the right ones this time).  A self-indulgent former anniversary trip just didn’t fit into my schedule this year.

And that’s ok.  Because I no longer need a distraction from what this day used to be and used to mean.  At this point, three years out from the collapse of my marriage, three years out from The Ex filing for divorce, three years out from feling the life I knew disintegrating under my feet, May 1st is just … May 1st.  It’s just a Tuesday.  It’s just a day I’ll do laundry and run errands and fill out permission slips and try to schedule the kids’ summer camps.  It’s just a day I’ll pick Amelia up at 2:00 and Avery up at 3:00 and Owen and a friend up at 4:00.  It’s just a day Avery has karate and Owen will ride bikes with the neighbors and Amelia will color while I cook dinner.  It’s just a first-of-the-month day I’ll pay bills and change the HVAC filters and maybe squeeze in a little billable work time.  It’s just a day like any other.

May 1st as an anniversary feels almost archaic.  Almost, because I still know what today is, or was, but it feels as though I’m viewing it from a very removed and displaced location.  May 1st as a marker belonged to another girl in another life.  It belonged to this girl, who was in love with this boy, and who thought it would be smooth sailing from then on out and who believed that all the big questions in her life had been answered:

I’m not that girl anymore.  I no longer ask the same questions or expect the same answers.  I view myself, and others, through a different lens.  My goals are different.  My happiness is different.  I live a wholly different life than I planned to, and I am constantly amazed by the richness of this unexpected path.

Today is May 1st and yesterday was April 30th and tomorrow is May 2nd.  Normal days in my normal life.  Each and every one a blessing.  Happy Tuesday, everyone.


16 Responses to “Anniversary, Schmanniversary.”

  1. Caroline Says:

    I have no words for this one, other than I love you so incredibly much and continue to be in awe. I hope I can conquer this world with as much grace as you have in your pinky finger.

  2. fun pics, great attitude. you’re doing great.

  3. Linda Says:

    It seems like I am always saying that I am so very proud of you….this time is no exception. It takes so much courage and inner strength to survive what you have the last 3 years. You are an amazing woman, Mother, and daughter. We are constantly in awe of how you handle life and everything that has been thrown at you the last few years. You really are an answer to a parent’s prayer.

  4. Danny King Says:

    And your point is? I honestly think you are in a better place in the big picture – all you you think about is your kids, family and friends. These are your greatest assets and aall that matter.

    All the best

  5. Lady E Says:

    Well, happy May 1st. You continue to be an inspiration, even though I feel a bit for the blooming girl in the wedding photo. Did she have to learn such tough lessons? You’re great.

  6. Caroline Says:

    Here’s to a wonderful Tuesday and a fantastic tomorrow. Go for it the future’s yours and you’re grabbing it brilliantly


  7. Jennifer Says:

    Your sister,your mom and your friends take the words out of my mouth.

  8. Beth Says:

    I agree with Jennifer- and am so glad you are my friend everyday!!!

  9. Betsy Says:

    Mere–I just happened to be sifting through some old photos today and ran across a photo of the two of us on your wedding day. How funny that I found it today of all days. You are a strong woman. Love ya, Betsy

  10. Michelle Meals Says:

    Meredith – what an outstanding post. So honest. To lose something you thought you couldn’t live without and come on the other side seeing things in a totally new way. What outstanding heart work you’ve done to get to this place. A place where your heart has been badly broken and miraculously healed into something more whole, more sustainable. When we think we can’t pick up the pieces of our lives, heal and move on- someone like you reminds us that we can. We can be in the mess of life for a while – but eventually we get to grieve, wrap our arms around ourselves and be full of joy again. Plus, sometimes it seems when the shit hits the fan and we feel screwed over…we end up getting the better end of the deal. The love you have today is bigger and better than any of the heartache you’ve had to face. I admire you and your emotional capacity to share this.

  11. susannakd Says:

    Hello! I’m leaving a comment to tell you that I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award because I love your blog!
    Check out the blog to see what it all means!

  12. After 5 divorces myself I like your post. I guess i’m a slow learner but I’m finally where your at. I will have to consider addressing this in my site.

  13. Sarah LF Says:

    Just a note to say I miss you around here. :)

    • Luluuk Says:

      I’ve just discovered your blog, I’m still a long way down the road from where you are now, but the kind of gives me hope, No posts for a while, hope you are ok?

  14. Renee Says:

    I miss your updates. Hope you are doing well.

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